Shocking – too many times will make me doubt about what’s going to happen next. Obviously, I am broke! I cannot believe someone stole my debit card by using a trapping device at ATM, and used up the money. I thought I am a tough girl but apparently I am not. Crying…If all these annoying things happen too often, I doubt myself – what the hell I am doing. I don’t know. I have to keep going – how?
I didn’t like been lectured in study. I always thought I know what to learn and how to learn. So I was very eager to grow up quickly and to leave home as far as possible. However, recently, I sometimes had a feeling of being myself for too long. In study, I dig, I dig, I dig but what I dig was still only a tiny bit in this knowldge ocean. I got lost and don’t know how to capture a big picture. I want someone there to show me exactly what to do, but I know I am not a school kid anymore. I am expected to tell others what to do in the future. So I shall keep digging… In my personal life, I had too many excuses for being miserable at home.
I am such a self-deceiving person. I think if I sleep I don’t need to work. So I refuse to get up in the morning. This is just a similar experiement about if I close my eyes, you wouldn’t be able to see me! REALLY?
(more…)
Seriously, I just cannot put my sincere appreciation in words. The loss of my laptop hit me right on my face and left me in a very vulnerable situation where I was suffering the feeling of anxiety, disappointment, regret, stress, and vacuity. I woke up and wiped away my tears. I know I have to keep going, no matter how much trouble this caused to me. This should just be a small hurdle for my thesis.
I have been contacting with the external manager at Lenovo in the UK. I need a new laptop immediately to have the damage of my work reduced to the minimum. I thought I could buy one through the department and get some discount for that lovely x200. Unfortunately it seemed that it was quite difficult to place a purchase order through the department and the purchase had to be delayed. M came and dropped me a demo x200s before my new laptop can be ordered. After I told him that it’s difficult to place a purchase order. He was unbelievably kind and gave me this x200s for free of charge. I really cannot put my appreciation in words. I cannot tell him how much this means to me. Good always prevails over evil. What M gave is not just a laptop but an attitude toward life – appreciation and caring others.
Thank you very much indeed! M at lenovo!
All of sudden, my laptop’s gone, with my work. Everything becomes a thing of past, where I could never return to. Day by day, I can only learn to be strong in tears. I was such a careless person but never thought it was a problem. I know at this moment, like a phenix, I need to start over. I suffer, therefore I learn. It’s too painful!!!
It was really interesting to meet everyone in Second life. The exotic name of people in Second life made us unable to recognise friends from the same University. Except for the very unique costume someone was wearing, I seemed to identify people by their name next to them, not by “themselves”. I kept looking at their name again and again and try to remember who was who. It was not easy to remember and match their name with their real name. In the real world, I could recognise a friend on a street by their appearance. Sometimes, forgive me, I need to recall their name afterwards. In second life, the way to recognise people seems different: I always identify them by their name. Perhaps, that’s the only ID they would never change; and that’s the unique ID to log in, so you cannot really change it unless you abandon your old account and want to start over again. This makes me think what’s the unique ID in our real life? Perhaps there is none. We step into different stages from places to places over time in our life. Our appearances changed, our voice changed, even our hairs grew longer. People still recognise us. Perhaps it’s us and the people, the environments surrounding us that made us the way we are. At this point, I have to admit that we are social animals. We probably cannot survive “alone”. The real existence alone would be somewhere in vacuum? Why I moved my thinking on Second life back to my real life? Maybe this is the value I found in Second life. The one-hour session in Second life made me reflect back to my real life here and help me deepen my so-called philosophical thinking(if I have any). Those are two different worlds, but seem to be connected somewhere through something somehow. Maybe I see Second life a “magic” mirror. I clearly see myself in it, while others might not recognise me. Part of my behaviour is similar to my behaviour in this world, while part of my behaviour is changed to suit that world better.
