I didn’t like been lectured in study. I always thought I know what to learn and how to learn. So I was very eager to grow up quickly and to leave home as far as possible. However, recently, I sometimes had a feeling of being myself for too long. In study, I dig, I dig, I dig but what I dig was still only a tiny bit in this knowldge ocean. I got lost and don’t know how to capture a big picture. I want someone there to show me exactly what to do, but I know I am not a school kid anymore. I am expected to tell others what to do in the future. So I shall keep digging… In my personal life, I had too many excuses for being miserable at home.
I am such a self-deceiving person. I think if I sleep I don’t need to work. So I refuse to get up in the morning. This is just a similar experiement about if I close my eyes, you wouldn’t be able to see me! REALLY?
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Seriously, I just cannot put my sincere appreciation in words. The loss of my laptop hit me right on my face and left me in a very vulnerable situation where I was suffering the feeling of anxiety, disappointment, regret, stress, and vacuity. I woke up and wiped away my tears. I know I have to keep going, no matter how much trouble this caused to me. This should just be a small hurdle for my thesis.
I have been contacting with the external manager at Lenovo in the UK. I need a new laptop immediately to have the damage of my work reduced to the minimum. I thought I could buy one through the department and get some discount for that lovely x200. Unfortunately it seemed that it was quite difficult to place a purchase order through the department and the purchase had to be delayed. M came and dropped me a demo x200s before my new laptop can be ordered. After I told him that it’s difficult to place a purchase order. He was unbelievably kind and gave me this x200s for free of charge. I really cannot put my appreciation in words. I cannot tell him how much this means to me. Good always prevails over evil. What M gave is not just a laptop but an attitude toward life – appreciation and caring others.
Thank you very much indeed! M at lenovo!
All of sudden, my laptop’s gone, with my work. Everything becomes a thing of past, where I could never return to. Day by day, I can only learn to be strong in tears. I was such a careless person but never thought it was a problem. I know at this moment, like a phenix, I need to start over. I suffer, therefore I learn. It’s too painful!!!
It was really interesting to meet everyone in Second life. The exotic name of people in Second life made us unable to recognise friends from the same University. Except for the very unique costume someone was wearing, I seemed to identify people by their name next to them, not by “themselves”. I kept looking at their name again and again and try to remember who was who. It was not easy to remember and match their name with their real name. In the real world, I could recognise a friend on a street by their appearance. Sometimes, forgive me, I need to recall their name afterwards. In second life, the way to recognise people seems different: I always identify them by their name. Perhaps, that’s the only ID they would never change; and that’s the unique ID to log in, so you cannot really change it unless you abandon your old account and want to start over again. This makes me think what’s the unique ID in our real life? Perhaps there is none. We step into different stages from places to places over time in our life. Our appearances changed, our voice changed, even our hairs grew longer. People still recognise us. Perhaps it’s us and the people, the environments surrounding us that made us the way we are. At this point, I have to admit that we are social animals. We probably cannot survive “alone”. The real existence alone would be somewhere in vacuum? Why I moved my thinking on Second life back to my real life? Maybe this is the value I found in Second life. The one-hour session in Second life made me reflect back to my real life here and help me deepen my so-called philosophical thinking(if I have any). Those are two different worlds, but seem to be connected somewhere through something somehow. Maybe I see Second life a “magic” mirror. I clearly see myself in it, while others might not recognise me. Part of my behaviour is similar to my behaviour in this world, while part of my behaviour is changed to suit that world better.
When I wake up today, “Reasons to be cheerful” is on – “A series which seeks to challenge the prevailing atmosphere of doom and gloom and dare to be optimistic”. I enjoyed.
I am quite happy that I managed to wake up at 10 when the mobile is out of battery. On the one hand, I really enjoy hanging out with friends with drinks and food and proud of the fact that I survived from non-stop toasts last night; on the other hand, I feel a little bit down that no one protected me on the table. I was always the one who had to fight alone. People are generally interested in persuading me to drink, simply because I am a Sichuan girl. In order to protect my lovely hometown, I feel pretty much I am a lonely warrior out there. Guys, please protect me next time.
All of these happening recently brings me back to the old days and my recent trip back to China, to my lovely hometown.
My grandpa is 80 years old this year. He is still constantly reading books and newspapers. He sends around his hand copies to his daughters, sons, and grandchildren. He wouldn’t mind writing several copies by hand and sending around, while I wouldn’t bother writing any words down. I almost forgot the feeling that I am holding a pen. Shame on me. He told me that his eyesight is not as good as before, he probably cannot spent too much time in reading. So he memorises good articles and reads out loud himself to understand the real meaning of every single word. In front of him, I feel so shamed that I was spoiled by all these goodies presented to me and didn’t make the most use out of them. He is such an intelligent, self-motivated, respectful grandpa, who is always my model in my life.
My mum – is my soul mate and always on my side for me.
My dad – never teaches me, but I learn from what he is doing.
my big family – always there, always supportive.
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