Ramble on the Internet

Time flies so fast! I forgot it’s already summer. I am asking more time for myself. I am fighting with…I think I will weather the difficulties of the present, but I still want to skip to the end.

Dr B told R who just gradauted from CS, “And the sad fact is, you’re no smarter today than you were yesterday.” “That’s true,” R replied, “but the important thing is that I am smarter than I was six and a half years ago.”

Then I am thinking that actually I like the way I am and I will just keep going.

Whether the weather is fine
Or whether the weather is not
Whether the weather is cold
Or whether the weather is hot
We’ll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.

Shocking – too many times will make me doubt about what’s going to happen next. Obviously, I am broke! I cannot believe someone stole my debit card by using a trapping device at ATM, and used up the money. I thought I am a tough girl but apparently I am not. Crying…If all these annoying things happen too often, I doubt myself – what the hell I am doing. I don’t know. I have to keep going – how?

I didn’t like been lectured in study. I always thought I know what to learn and how to learn. So I was very eager to grow up quickly and to leave home as far as possible. However, recently, I sometimes had a feeling of being myself for too long. In study, I dig, I dig, I dig but what I dig was still only a tiny bit in this knowldge ocean. I got lost and don’t know how to capture a big picture. I want someone there to show me exactly what to do, but I know I am not a school kid anymore. I am expected to tell others what to do in the future. So I shall keep digging… In my personal life, I had too many excuses for being miserable at home.

I am such a self-deceiving person. I think if I sleep I don’t need to work. So I refuse to get up in the morning. This is just a similar experiement about if I close my eyes, you wouldn’t be able to see me! REALLY?
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Seriously, I just cannot put my sincere appreciation in words. The loss of my laptop hit me right on my face and left me in a very vulnerable situation where I was suffering the feeling of anxiety, disappointment, regret, stress, and vacuity. I woke up and wiped away my tears. I know I have to keep going, no matter how much trouble this caused to me. This should just be a small hurdle for my thesis.

I have been contacting with the external manager at Lenovo in the UK. I need a new laptop immediately to have the damage of my work reduced to the minimum. I thought I could buy one through the department and get some discount for that lovely x200. Unfortunately it seemed that it was quite difficult to place a purchase order through the department and the purchase had to be delayed. M came and dropped me a demo x200s before my new laptop can be ordered. After I told him that it’s difficult to place a purchase order. He was unbelievably kind and gave me this x200s for free of charge. I really cannot put my appreciation in words. I cannot tell him how much this means to me. Good always prevails over evil. What M gave is not just a laptop but an attitude toward life – appreciation and caring others.

Thank you very much indeed! M at lenovo!

All of sudden, my laptop’s gone, with my work. Everything becomes a thing of past, where I could never return to. Day by day, I can only learn to be strong in tears. I was such a careless person but never thought it was a problem. I know at this moment, like a phenix, I need to start over. I suffer, therefore I learn. It’s too painful!!!