They say that writing helps you thinking. I strongly agree. That’s perhaps why I take notes, keep diaries, write my thesis, etc. However, when I suddenly stopped writing today, I realised that I cannot think anymore. I think this is a sign of becoming or being a bookworm. I went in but I couldn’t get out anymore. I became very dependent on the stuff I supposed to use to only assist my work. If so, this is terribly unfortunate. A helpless and useless book worm was born today. It can either keep eating the books to survive in a miserable way or start a new life happy but die soon. Never to be a helpless and useless bookworm like this.
I thought I was going to work in a kindergarten after I graduate. I started to try to build a close relationship with kids. I tried to have different ways of talking to them – how to persuade them to do what I want them to do; how to stop their whining; how to make sure they learn stuff without fuss everyday. I said that I always want to go back to be a two year old. It seems that this would never happen to me again. When I play with kids, I sincerely know that I am having such a big responsibility of making sure everything is all right but have to pretend that I am one of them. I will be happy is they take me in. I learnt to take responsibility invisibly, and never behave like the one who is in charge. No one likes to be told off no matter how old they are. Also it’s very important to teach them to take the responsibility. It makes life much easier to let them understand how difficult your role is by putting them in your position. They rarely try to put you in a difficult situation on purpose but just won’t be as considerable as an adult to give you an easy time. No wonder one says you will understand your parents well once you become a parent.
I haven’t apologised to mum that I’ve been really stubborn and ridiculously insisted on my life philosophy. Neverthelss, I did reflect on what I consider is right or wrong. Perhaps I am wrong. I think I am too overhelmed to discuss this kind of things with her recently and tried to avoid such kind of conversation. Actually I am running away. However, I really appreciated the effort she made to apologise to me. I received an email from her account, but indicated as from my friend: your mum asked me to told u that she wants to apologise to u about what she was saying earlier…best wishes, your friend…As she said it’s not easy for a mum to apologise to a child. She did! Not a surprise to me, because she is a super cool mum.
The other day, she told me: oh, my baby, u know, u sound exhausted. u were always cheerful! something wrong? Yes, my voice is getting worse and worse. silent…she is not asking for anything. I know what she wants me to do. She wants me to live happily in a very relaxed way. I will try, mum. I indeed feel tired and exhaused.
When I changed my subject to education three years ago, I never thought that the way of conducting research could be so differently. I just wanted to change my researching topics. However, in order to explore such issues, I have to choose the best means to pursue it. The sciencfic methods thus seems a lameless effort in dealing with real-world issues. I have been saying that I gradully learned that my way of doing research changed and I am now following social science research methodology. Until today, I realised that it was not an easy job. Science students have always been arrogant and overlooked the rigour of social science research. I was one of them. Shame on me. Social science research in fact has to be conducted in such a rigorous and severe way.
Time flies so fast! I forgot it’s already summer. I am asking more time for myself. I am fighting with…I think I will weather the difficulties of the present, but I still want to skip to the end.
Dr B told R who just gradauted from CS, “And the sad fact is, you’re no smarter today than you were yesterday.” “That’s true,” R replied, “but the important thing is that I am smarter than I was six and a half years ago.”
Then I am thinking that actually I like the way I am and I will just keep going.
Whether the weather is fine
Or whether the weather is not
Whether the weather is cold
Or whether the weather is hot
We’ll weather the weather
Whatever the weather
Whether we like it or not.
